Afar
by MaggslovesPerry
Summary: Neville/Hannah Abbot Hannah has spent her life at Hogwarts loving Neville Longbottom. But now, as war is looming and he has left Hogwarts to escape from the Carrows, she is stricken with the fear of losing him without ever confessing. But she can't bring herself to be brave enough to tell him the truth.
1. Prologue

Prologue:

At the foot of my hammock in the Room of Requirement, I kept two things of my past. One was a picture of my late mother, who everyone said I was the spitting image of- long honey colored hair and big eyes, Hufflepuff badge, slightly too-big robes, and always dreaming, a quill hanging out of the corner of my mouth like a demented puppy. At least that's what Susan says I'm like.

The other was a small object I never could forget, one that linked me to someone I will never un-think. I remember I was standing by the stairs up into Hogwarts on one of my first breaks when I saw it lying on the grass. As I bent over to pick it up, I heard a noise behind me and turned to look at the boy standing there. He had dark hair and was looking around anxiously. When he saw me crouching, peering up at me, my hand a couple inches above the marble, he grimaced.

"I think that's mine, there." He rushed down the steps, his robes flailing out behind him. I glanced at his badge, seeing it bumping up and down on his small chest. Gryffindor.

"Oh. Yes." I picked it up and turned to him, handed it over into his outstretched palm.

"Do you know what this is?" He asked.

I shook my head shyly.

"It's a Remembrall. My Gran got it for me."

"Oh."

"I'm Neville by the way."

"Hannah."

We both smiled.

"You know, my Remembrall may not be so big, but it has a big History. It got Harry Potter onto the Quidditch team!"

I widened my eyes. "Really?"

He nodded proudly, and started telling me the story.

"He's really brave." I said.

Neville looked down, "yeah. He's a hero."

"You are too." I told him.

He laughed and scratched his nose. "Not really." I noticed he had rubbed dirt onto it.

The bell rang from the castle and, in step we headed back up the steps.

"Well. I've got to go to class." I said.

"Wait. We must have one together, right? I mean just because you're in Hufflepuff and I'm in Gryffindor doesn't mean we don't have classes together."

"Herbology." I told him.

He smiled. "Herbology. Okay."

As soon as he was gone, I jumped up and down a couple of times and raced off up the corridor to find Susan.

Susan Bones has been my best friend since the train the first day of Hogwarts when we first sat together. She laughed when I told her I found the cutest boy ever.

"I wish we had every class together." I finished.

"Sorry, I think Michael Corner wins." She smirked at me.

I shrugged. "Like you'll ever get Michael."

"Take it back!" She laughed, trying to hit me with her Transfiguration textbook.

Professor McGonagall clapped twice, and we both turned to face the front. "Thank you ladies."

I suddenly was glad that Neville wasn't there.

The next break I sat with Susan on the bottom step of the castle, and rewrapped my scarf a couple of times to be safe from the chilly air. I heard a noise behind me and turned to see him trudging down the stairs. His face broke into a grin as he recognized me. Susan turned around too, and I introduced them, but then Susan "forgot her book in the classroom", and left us alone.

"Shall we walk?" Neville asked.

I nodded. "I have Herbology this afternoon!"

"Me too!" He laughed. "Small world."

I turned to look at him, faux sad, but her just laughed more and hit me gently on my shoulder. "Come on."

Finally, we went back to the courtyard and sat with our knees almost touching and laughed at our own jokes.

From then on, whenever her saw me his face broke into a grin and he said in his smooth voice, "Hannah."

He could make me laugh until I cried in Herbology, just by making faces and pretending to dance with the plants. The next thing I knew he was making me dance with the plant too, his hand on my waist, moving me in time with the dark leaves. That day Professor Sprout asked me if I was okay because, doubled over with crying-laughter, I had accidently gotten dirt all over my face. I just laughed harder.

By Christmas, I couldn't wait for Herbology classes and sat in the courtyard the entire time, waiting for him even though sometimes he wouldn't come. He always apologized for these in a hurry, and I forgave him.

Finally, I got my Christmas present for him one morning in the courtyard. I handed him my drawing of a plant, and tore open the letter from him.

_This is the reason I met you, and I'd probably lose it if I kept it any longer. You should keep it. Happy Christmas! _

_Neville _

Inside he had carefully tucked the Remembrall between sheets of red and green tissues. I thanked him, and we hugged just as the bell rang and I ran off to my next class; my heart wrapped in Christmas paper with his token of remembrance.


	2. Chapter 1 Hero's Errands

Chapter One:

I was finishing my Charms homework when Zacharias told me.

He fell into the chair across the table from me. "Neville's gone."

"Gone?" I gave him a panicked look. "As in dead?" Without me telling him? I finished in my head.

"No, you prat. If he were dead I'd be sad. He ran off somewhere. Seamus told me. But he'll be in contact."

I nodded. "But he's still being leader-ish right?"

Zacharias laughed rudely, "I don't think he'll be able to stop taking all of Potter's power."

"You don't have to join him, you know." I said, glancing back down at my essay.

"I know." He chuckled and stood up, going to annoy someone else.

Luckily, the rest of my information was relayed by Ernie, who didn't scorn Neville. He told me that Neville was hiding out in the Room of Requirement, and if anyone wanted to join him, we could.

"I'll probably go the next time I'm beaten." He boasted, then waltzed off to find Susan, who was in the loo.

She arrived back a moment later, and raised her eyebrows at my far-off expression.

"Neville's in the Room of Requirement."

"Better than death." She smirked and settled back into her seat. A moment later, she glanced up to find me not working again and still staring at her.

"What?"

"We're allowed to join him."

She raised her eyebrows. "Why would we do that?"

"Because he's a hero." _Still. _

"Right." She thought for a moment. "Fine. I'll make a deal with you. If Lavender and Parvati go, then I'll go with you to see your lover boy."

I nodded, satisfied and finally turned and stuck my tongue out at her. "He's not my lover boy."

She shrugged, "same difference."

It took a couple of weeks for the news to sink in to the rest of the D.A., but sure enough, exactly seventeen days after Neville left, Seamus was gone, and then Ernie and Justin. I begged Susan to go with me, but she wouldn't budge even after Michael and Anthony left Ravenclaw.

"We made a deal." She said as we walked into the Great Hall. "I'll go if and only if that happens."

I shook my head and saw out of the corner of my eye, a tiny girl being dragged away by the Carrows. I grabbed Susan's arm, and she turned with me to run to get her.

I hit Alecto with a curse as we ran towards them and heard a vase behind me shatter as Amycus aimed at Susan. I started to wrestle the girl out of his beefy arms, and felt a lash on my cheek as he raised his wand and cursed a large cut on my face. Susan gasped and cursed him, but missed, I ducked a second curse he aimed at my nose, but it hit my foot and I felt the rubber melting away. I kicked him in the shin and pulled the girl away as Susan stupefied both of them.

The girl scampered into the Great Hall, but Susan and I both raced into the common room.

"They'll be after me." I gasped, out of breath.

"Me too." Susan said. "Fine. I changed my mind. Let's get the hell out of here and join your hero."


	3. Chapter 2 The Room of Requirement

I stayed in the common room for the rest of the evening, as Susan ran about telling people things and getting me food. I tried to heal my foot and covered it with a bandage, but I was terrified to deal with my face- and with the scar that ran from my ear to my mouth, all the way across my cheek. So I just tried to rinse it gently and packed a small suitcase. Susan said that we could leave in the middle of the night and that way no one would see us going into the Room of Requirement.

She came back an hour later, wiping her brow as she pulled open her suitcase. "Change of plan, talked to Lavender and them and they're coming too. They don't really want to be alone out here."

I nodded and turned to my bedside table, taking the photo gently in my hands and staring down into my mother's face. Susan came up behind me.

"You're pretty, just like her."

I turned around to look at her. "Not as pretty as you." I gave her a look. "Besides, she was smart and pretty and brave." I sat down on the bed and laid it neatly in the bottom of my bag.

"Han…. You are all those things too. Don't be so hard on yourself. Just because you are in love with one of the thickest boys I've ever met doesn't mean you aren't good enough. You're just going to have to work harder."

I groaned.

"And that makes it cuter when you win his heart." She smiled and poked me, then turned and looked at the Remembrall sitting on the table.

"You still have this?"

I nodded. "I'm not giving it away!"

"Did I say that?" She swung it around in the air.

"Susan!" Susan laughed and handed it back to me.

"You're so adorable and sad Han. Like a dead puppy."

I swung at her, and she let out a high laugh, then fell silent as she watched me tuck the Remembrall into my bag. "I'm serious. You're going to make me cry with your sincerity."

I rolled my eyes at her, straightened up and zipped the bag closed. It seemed strange to sit there laughing with Susan like so many other days, and yet here it was, the closing of me ever sitting in this dormitory like this again.

By midnight, I was pacing, waiting for us to creep along and be safe for the first time all evening. Susan checked her watch and nodded, and we slipped out into the dark corridor. Every step seemed to shake the whole castle and I half expected every corner to reveal a Carrow or Snape to us. And we would be thrown in the dungeons. I convinced myself that someone would come and rescue us. I was halfway through imagining Neville cursing Alecto and saving me, when Susan grabbed my arm and pulled me into an empty classroom. We peered out to see Peeves float past, humming some song he had made up. We waiting a full thirty seconds and kept walking, tiptoeing until we reached the seventh floor corridor.

"Wait for them." Susan whispered, and we paced the corridor for what felt like hours, but was actually two minutes (according to my watch) until Parvati, Lavender and Padma appeared at the other side of the hall, clutching bags and looking terrified.

We all walked back and forth like a demented set of wind-up toys until we saw the door. Lavender knocked twice, and we all waited with baited breath as it swung open and Neville stuck his face out. His brown eyes widened as he saw us all standing there and he opened it wide and pulled us inside, slamming it shut behind us.

"Welcome!"

He went along the line, hugging each girl quick and tight.

"Lavender."

"Parvati."

"Padma."

"Susan."

And finally…

I was sure he would be able to hear my heart bursting from underneath my robes. It was no more than what he gave Susan, but still I was dying, dying inside.

"Hannah."


	4. Chapter 4 A Gaping Injury

All credits elsewhere!

GinnyPotter6891 - thanks haha, I'll try not to betray your trust.

The Room of Requirement looked rather like a cabin that had been stretched until it was the size it needed to be. The walls were covered in walkways that led to hammocks, where I could see people sleeping. On the ground floor, there looked to be a small library, in the corner stacked with books and Daily Prophets. There was a large fireplace with a radio on the mantelpiece and a stove, sink and large blocky stone table with cushioned chairs surrounding it. Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw hangings were displayed on the walls.

Neville walked over and rang a bell hanging next to the library and I watched as the boys started to stir. Seamus was down first, and then Ernie, who gave Susan and I both big hugs. Michael and Anthony were next, and Justin was last, stumbling down a small staircase and into a small room onto the side.

"Welcome." They all said, smiling, their adam's apples bobbing up and down as they walked and sat around the table.

"How long until breakfast?" Seamus asked.

Neville checked his watch, "six hours."

Seamus groaned. "We have a meeting now?"

"No. We are here to welcome the new people; that's it."

They all laughed again and stumbled back to bed, all except Neville, who sat down at the table, a lone leader.

"Make yourselves at home. I s'pose you'll like a separate bedroom- so just think it and it'll fit your fancy."

Parvati and Lavender started up the stairs to a new door that had appeared, and inside. Susan dragged me up the stairs, and Padma followed.

We had three bunk beds, one that had a table as the bottom bed, and Susan immediately claimed the bottom of ours, so I pulled my hangings shut and unpacked my suitcase into the shelves at the bottom of the bed. First came the picture, and then, gently, the Remembrall.

Susan tapped on the bottom of my bed from hers and said, "we should really sleep."

I nodded, and brushed my teeth quickly, but as I lay in bed I knew I wouldn't sleep.

I slipped down onto the floor and crept across and down the stairs to where Neville was sitting. I settled down next to him and he set his book down.

"Something wrong?" He frowned.

"Do you know healing magic?" I asked, turning my head so he could see my cheek.

His eyes widened, "who gave you that?"

"Amycus." I looked down, but her put his hand on my chin, tilting my head the other was so that he could see it better.

I held my breath.

"I actually wanted to talk to you Hannah."

I raised my eyebrow, breathing in and out in small gasps.

He made eye contact with me, his eyes soft and clear by the small light hanging above us. Then he stood and got a bandage from behind the sink.

"Because we grew apart. I'm really sorry for that."

I nodded, "me too."

"Stay still. Here, squeeze my hand if it hurts." He held it out, the nails filed down and neat, with a couple pockmarked scars on his palm. I took it and waited as he rubbed an ointment across my face. I stretched out my fingers and he breathed out, wincing and rubbed circles on my palm.

"Sorry." He whispered. I could feel his breath on my face. I closed my eyes slightly- feeling my lashes flutter against my cheek and smiled slightly.

"It's okay."

He pressed a bandage carefully onto my cheek, spreading his fingers and sealing it.

"There."

I smiled and turned my head again so that I was looking at him. He smiled slightly and stood up, washed his hands in the sink and rubbed them on his robes.

"Well I think I'm off to bed." He waved and turned back to go into his hammock. I stayed sitting in the same position for a long enough time that I could still feel his hands on my cheek, his pads rubbing circles into my palm.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry it's been forever! My computer has been erring...

When I woke up the next morning, the first thing I saw was the Remembrall on the shelf at my feet, and I remembered Neville the night before and his fingers on my face and palm. I closed my eyes again, and then heard the bell above me. I slipped out of bed and into the bathroom, finger brushed my hair and raced downstairs, seeing that most of my comrades were already there.

Neville sat at the head of the table again, alone amidst the chatter from Seamus who was making omlettes at the stove, Michael, who was squeezing oranges for juice and Padma, who was toasting bread and butter. Lavender was sitting beside him, both quiet, almost chiseled in stone.

I settled down into a seat two away from him, and smiled as Susan slumped down into the seat next to me, groaning and yawning.

"Sleep well?" I grinned.

She glared. "Yes. Wonderful restful beautiful long beauty sleep last night, Han."

Neville chuckled from behind her and I looked down, but then the omlettes, juice and toast were on the table and everyone was eating and laughing and talking.

"So, um what do you normally do during the day?" I asked.

Seamus shrugged, "read the Daily Prophet and listen to the news, rescue anyone in trouble from the Carrows, practice spells and dueling, it depends on the day."

Lavender frowned, "no contact from Harry, Ron and Hermione?"

Neville shook his head. "We have no idea where they are. But this was what we expected wasn't it."

Susan laughed, "yep, those three running off and leaving us in crisis."

"You know Susan, that was what I thought at first, but now, I'm glad we're here and they're out there." Neville said quietly. Susan shrugged and sipped at her orange juice.

"Neville?" Seamus asked.

Neville sighed, "Aberforth says he isn't sure, but he was in contact with them the night of the last Potterwatch cast, and that he heard Harry say that they were in the Malfoy Manor."

A hush spread over the table.

"He isn't dead." I said, trying to sound more confident than I felt. "They'd flaunt it in our faces."

"You're saying he escaped?" Michael asked, his voice slightly hushed.

"I'm saying have some faith in our greatest hero, our only chance. If we can't believe him than who can we believe."

Neville nodded, "she's right. Have faith in him. He's the only hero we've got."

He looked down at the table, not seeing the look I was sending towards him.

False. We've got you.


	6. Chapter 6

As soon as breakfast was over, Neville went off into another room to cleanse his wounds and I was to join him in "a moment". I hung around and listened to Seamus tell us about rescuing another first year from Snape.

I hurried along the small floor and turned into the room and saw Neville standing in front of the mirror, his shit on the floor. Neville, who's chest was a mass of curves. Neville.

I turned out immediately and closed my eyes, my face burning. I could feel Susan's eyes on me as I ran up the stairs and into my bunk, pulling the hangings shut around my bed and lay facedown, my hands over my eyes. Oh. My. God. I was going to die of embarrassment.

I heard a noise and listened as someone walked across the wooden floor, the beams creaking under their feet.

"You all right, Han? You look as though you've seen a ghost."

"I walked in on Neville."

"He was naked?"

"He had pants on." I rolled over onto my back and listened to her chuckle. "It's not funny." I protested, trying to fight the smile that was creeping across my face.

"It's actually kind of hilarious." She smiled sympathetically and climbed up next to me, tucking her legs neatly underneath her and started finger-combing my hair. I turned back over onto my stomach and propped my head up on my elbow, staring at the drapes she had pushed aside. She started rubbing my back in a comforting way.

I lay that way for a couple moments, then stood and walked to the sink, where I could see her in the mirror, sitting giving me a look.

"I mean, I don't understand why you're so bent on the boy asking girl thing. Couldn't you just ask him and then the problem will be solved?" I started to answer, but she held up a hand. "Wait. There's an underlying theme here that we should pay attention to. Women's rights and stuff. Take advantage of the cute guy who you are living with and confess your undying love to him and then you are supporting women's rights."

I groaned. "You're embarrassing yourself."

"I wouldn't go there Han. I mean, you pretty much have me beat on everything to be embarrassed by. Tripping, check. Failing simple classes, check. Not to mention having the _same trouble with the same boy for six years!_"

"As if you don't have boy troubles with Max and Henry and them."

"Yeah, but I had _different _troubles with each of them. They each were disappointing in their own way. One had trouble with his ex, the other was overattached, the third was a pity-date. What can I say?"

I shook my head, cheered up enormously.


	7. Chapter 7 The Absence of the Hated Smirk

Yay. I'm writing faster I guess.

The next night I after dinner, Seamus invited Susan and I to sit with him and wait for Neville, who was off on some secret mission, to return. We sat until the candles burned down into stubs, and then longer and longer. Finally, Seamus stood and looked down at us, our faces shadowed by the worry.

"Do we go look for him?" He asked, his mouth straightening into a line on his face.

"I'll go." I offered.

Susan made a noise and shot me a warning look. Seamus nodded and opened the door to the corridor, and almost tripped on the body lying against it from the outside. Susan let out a shriek and rose from the table.

I ran forward and helped Seamus half drag half carry Neville onto the table and watched as he ran for a first aid kit. Susan put her arm around my shoulder and vaguely I realized I was crying slightly, tears dripping off the end of my nose. His eye was blackened and he had several new cuts dripping blood onto the stone. But most of the blood was coming from his arm, where I could see a series of deep cuts.

Seamus was behind me again in a flash, and handed me some small bottle.

"Pour lightly on tissue." Susan read, grabbing the bottle from my white fingers.

"Umm…" Seamus was carefully spreading something over his black eye. "Some on the face too." He indicated a gash on Neville's nose.

Susan went to pour some on his arm but her hands were shaking too badly. I took it lightly out of her clenched fingers and poured a couple of thick drops over his arm. It started to bubble, and I took my hands back, worried I had hurt him, but then the skin started to heal. It wouldn't completely get rid of the cuts, but it stopped bleeding and the tissue around it looked stronger.

Susan sighed behind me as a couple more drops went onto his nose and chin. Seamus looked up at me. "Thanks Hannah." And then. "I wonder what happened to him."

I nodded, "I hope he's okay in there."

I could hear Susan exhaling behind me; in, out, in, out, in, out.

"We should sleep." Seamus said after another moment, even though all of our eyes were still glued to the sleeping figure slumped across the table. Seamus raised his wand and the blood disappeared off the table, and then Susan and I helped him carry Neville to his hammock near the ceiling.

I guided Susan to our room and washed my hands several times. Then, as I climbed up and slid into bed, I heard Susan rub her arms. I paused and pulled open the curtain to see her pale face, lying down over the blankets, eyes staring up into the wood paneled that was the bottom of my bed.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah." She was silent long enough that I was ready to close the curtains and head up to bed, but then she rubbed her eyes. "It all seems real now doesn't it? I mean, Harry Potter used to go and do his things, but it never. It never involved us. Now we're in war."

I nodded and thought of Neville. "But I guess we have the choice between getting dragged in or stepping into our armor. I'm not ready exactly, and people are sympathetic, so I think they'll be okay with you not wanting to fight."

Susan smirked. "Don't be an prat, Han. Of course I'm fighting."

I smiled back at her, but as soon as she thought I had turned away, her smiled faded and a frown replaced it. And as I crawled up into bed, sliding in between the sheets, all I could think was how much I missed it on her face, as often as that very same look had ended a joke at my expense, it had kept me laughing through the darkest of times. Now, I lay in bed and thought that we might say more, but eventually as just waiting as the silence swallowed me whole and my world faded into the comfort of sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning, I stumbled down to find Seamus sitting in a silence waiting for everyone to settle down and be quiet.

He looked down at his hands and looked somber enough that I realized he looked like Neville, and then that he was our leader until Neville recovered. By an unspoken agreement, Seamus had taken up the role.

"Neville came home late last night." Everyone was silent. "He isn't feeling well. So we'll be taking turns to bring him food and water." He indicated the body lying in the hammock above.

There was a round of nodding and then Parvati asked the question on all of our minds. "What happened?"

"We don't really know. But we can't question him now; at one of his lower points."

Ernie nodded vigorously; "well I think that's obvious. But maybe we could help him finish the job if he failed to?"

Seamus shook his head. "From what he has told me, which is very little mind you, he thinks he finished."

I held my breath as they left, talking again. Seamus put his hands on my shoulders and I tensed from his touch.

"You want to talk to him?"

Susan was waiting at the top of the stairs, her smile gone again. I stared at the shape of her frown and nodded.

Neville's bunk was at the top of the room, and he turned over as I sat down next to his hammock.

"Hi." The days of complicated inside jokes were over.

"Hi." His bruised eye was swollen shut, and he shifted so that he could see me. I sat cross legged next to his face.

"Are you alright?" His face was scrunched with worry.

"I should be asking you that."

He smiled slightly, "no, really. I didn't want to drag you all into this. This is the war for those who are brave enough."

I must've looked offended, because he shook his head. "Hannah, I'm sorry. You know that's not what I meant."

I looked down. "Are you sure Neville? Because I'm not cut out of that ridiculous hero stuff. I'm selfish enough to make the wrong sacrifices."

"The wrong sacrifices?"

"If I could be back to normal, with Susan and fun and all of those things, I wouldn't care what happened to Voldemort. I choose ignorance over knowledge."

Neville thought for a moment. "That's what we all want, Hannah. That's why we're fighting. To get back to the normal, with fun and all of those things. That's why we want him gone. Because that's the realistic way out."

I looked at him for a moment. "Really?"

"Yeah. I promise."

My face was about to catch on fire from his cool gaze. He ran a hand through his hair and looked up at the ceiling.

I left quickly.


	9. Chapter 9

The next day at noon, he was up and out of his hammock, and trudging around the room. I stayed in bed for most of the day, for the first time, not keen to talk to him. He didn't seem to notice until midafternoon.

He was leaning against the bottom of the staircase with Seamus, talking about Harry Potter who, according to the Daily Prophet and Terry Boot, had broken into Gringotts, and stolen a dragon. "I'm telling you Seamus, it's only a matter of time before he shows up here and the end will be near."

Seamus moved out of the way so I could go up the staircase, and Neville smiled over at me, but I didn't return it. I hurried up the stairs and into my bed where I slept through most of the evening and awoke just as dinner was being served downstairs. As I stumbled down, Neville pulled out a chair next to him and invited me to sit. I did, and listened to the talk slide around me as they spoke about this and that. Finally, a lazy feeling engulfed the room and most of the people around me stumbled into armchairs near the fire or up towards bed.

Neville turned to look at me.

"Hannah, I've been wanting to talk to you."

"So have I." I admitted. I wanted to ask him about what he had said yesterday.

"Listen—"

There was an alarm going off above our heads, kind of like the bell but a sort of chime and Neville jumped up like he had been electrocuted and exchanged a look with Seamus.

"What's going on?" Susan asked, leaning on the balcony.

"Aberforth, he said he'd only ring if Harry was here."

"Tonight?" Parvati murmured, looking excited and terrified.

"I'm going to go look." Neville said. He cast a look towards me, seeing all of the things we should have said, but instead, shouldered his way through the opening and out of sight.

The room's noise became a buzz again, everyone exchanging excited words. I looked up and saw Susan frowning down at me, and I knew that she was trying to understand the loss this war would bring us.

Neville returned only a moment later with our heroes, and I cheered and hugged them with all the rest, my heart filled with the bittersweet ending of our time in the Room of Requirement. After tonight, nothing would be the same.


	10. Chapter 10

reynaramirez56- Thank you so much... I hope you enjoy this chapter... ;)

We stood, our great masses condemning the blank space that Snape had ruled. Plans were exchanged, to fight or to flee the deadly terror this space would soon become because He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was coming and now we would have to fight in the ending battle. The end. The end.

Neville stood strong, finally resting safe because Harry had returned. He needn't fear or lead anymore. I stood next to Susan, our hands gripping white and tense, terrified that we would be killed in this next second, and as I glanced over at him, I saw and caught his stare in my open palms. He was watching for me. We would be through this together, I knew.

Separation and fear ran through our numbers, and I ended up leaving that great silence with a small group going up to Ravenclaw tower to shoot spells down. I was lucky, I knew. Many would be going out into the darkness where spells flew thicker than words and any one could catch you on the back of the head. Susan, however, I knew was spared from this fate and instead ran to the secret passageways to block enemies from breaching the castle that way. But many of the others I had grown to know would be heading in that direction.

I tried to remember what Neville had said only days before as we walked up in spiraling circles, my heart hammering louder than my footsteps on the cool stone. I had to be brave, that was what I had to do. Brave, brave, brave.

Parvati slid back and took my hand as we continued up to the cavernous rooms. Looking down on the grounds was like seeing a map of slightly jarring glow sticks. Spells shot everywhere we could see, and the shadows rippled across the lake and squadrants of wizards falling and tearing across the maze of flashing lights. I was terrified up in the tower and couldn't imagine Neville somewhere out there, dodging evil spells, and maybe thinking that each second might bring death. I closed my eyes for a moment, and then lined up with the others to help aide them.

I'm helping. I told myself to stop feeling guilty at the lot I picked. If I convinced myself that the only way to ensure that Neville lived was to do everything I could to fight off the Death Eaters, I could lose the fear. And in that way I lost most of everything for a long time. Fighting became a ritual of concentrating on the spell on my mind, sending the pretty light off into the darkness.

Finally, You-Know-Who's voice echoed off the walls where we were, and we were to scurry off to the main hall again, but then I heard a noise and ran off another corridor to look for the source.

Susan was sitting, looking quite relaxed leaning against the green wall. She smiled as I walked past her. A bit of a smirk, looking the way she usually did.

I frowned at her.

"What are you doing?"

"Well you know it's difficult walking and fighting when you can't move your feet ."

I gaped at her and then immediately rushed to her side. As we hobbled toward the great hall, she told me I was a prat several times until I realized that she was in more pain than she was letting on.

And after I kissed her on the forehead and left her in one of the clean white beds, I figured that that was the reason for the things that she had said.

As I walked toward the hall, she had looked at me, and said very plainly, "You have to tell him, Han. Right now. Right now. Right now."

I closed my eyes as I left her, thinking heavily on what she said. What if he was already dead? What if he was dying somewhere on the grounds? The idea of Neville somewhere, left with no hope but to see my face…. But I was off topic as I plodded deeper into the mess that was the decay of the defense.

So many dead, I couldn't help thinking, my body shutting down. So it was only a moment before I left again, cutting through the entrance hall and into another chamber where nothing greeted me but moonlight.

I was stuck in a never ending loop of tears and fear at the shadows on the wall. I realized I was screaming a moment after I had started, and then realized that I had stopped several moments later. I covered my ears and lay on the floor, keeping my eyes shut tight.

So it was a surprise when my hands were softly touched, held almost. A soft finger sipped between it and my face, and then pulled it away.

"Hannah, are you alright?"

My eyes still shut tight, I rolled over onto my back and felt the tears slipping out of my cheeks and mingling with the moonlight stuck there. And then there was a hand there as well, wiping the muddled mess of me off and underneath, I felt cleansed.

I felt strong arms slip around me and then I was sitting against the wall, leaning against the cold stone, feeling it pushing up against the bottom of my robes. And opened my eyes to see his closer than I expected. They stared at me, comforting, worried.

He rubbed the warmth back into my fingers, moving his hands in a warm massage and then settled down next to me, his hands still making out comforting circles on my cold palms.

He turned his head to look at me and I turned my head to look at him; to take in that he wasn't dead, but very much warm right there in front of me. His hair a little mussed. His eyes a little tired. His face a little pockmarked. He raised his chin and kissed me on the forehead.

I looked at him for a moment more, still hoping that he wasn't an illusion.

"I'm sorry. I know I should be doing something else. I'm just... inexperienced; I don't really know..." He looked down.

"I know." I smiled; a herculean effort and he glanced up. "That's why I like you so much."

And I leaned in first, without fear for the first time. His lips were warm against my chattering ones. He smiled, giving me leeway to curl against him. And there I lay, hearing his heart thudding next to mine.


	11. Chapter 11

Enjoy!

We walked, his hand still rubbing mine, and took small steps toward the great hall. No one knew where Harry was, but Ron and Hermione were sitting together, alone, whispering secrets no one else knew.

Neville seemed quiet, as he usually was, and the night threatened to take him away still. I had to remind myself that we were only halfway through You-Know-Who's plight against the rebelling.

And then we heard another announcement from him, his awful voice echoing up and down the blank corridors, the people shrieking, falling against each other, but I couldn't even hear what the awful voice was saying.

When I was a little girl, my mother would put on old records and dance in the living room, the stereo rippling out songs that sounded like crying- with slow music and deep voices singing about heartbreak. These nights I would hide behind the doorframe and wish that my father were home to help her. She would be swaying and laughing a little to herself, and then would fall and sleep on the carpet. Once I was sure she was asleep, I would run across with my bare feet and curl up on her arm, gripping it to make sure she didn't leave. My father would find us there, and he would always cry when he did, as if he knew she had been listening to sad love songs without him. The songs themselves came to me standing in the Great Hall.

The sound of my mother crying; Harry's voice in the Hog's Head those years ago; determined to do something- the modesty and beauty of how simply he wanted to help us. I fell backwards into Neville to find that he was leaning onto me as well. We slid down the wall and sat there together, forbidding tears to fall lest we look weak when You-Know-Who was coming. Because coming he was.

People were walking quickly toward the entrance- to see our hero fallen where he was and I heard Neville murmuring about it being his fault.

"Neville." I clasped his hand and stood. "Don't. Please. You're leaving, don't try and pretend because I know you. I know you I know you I need you I need you. I need you."

He stood up, and numbness radiated from his skin- once so warm, it was now ghostly.

"Don't leave."

I walked with him to the entrance to see how awful and small Harry looked. And I didn't hear a word of the victory speech because Neville was tightening and he was going to shoot forward- so I concentrated on keeping him here. I hung to his arm, grounding him, standing against his leaning body. Until he righted himself and suddenly, I was left clutching air and he was standing before Voldemort. Nothing between them but air…

I let out a breath and started crying quietly. Neville was going to die right there. And his voice would be as ancient as Harry's was now. Too many young men.

And suddenly; my mother. A clear image of her was on my mind, blinding everything else- and I tried to get rid of her. No, I don't want to see you. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead.

Someone was gripping my hand so hard it hurt and I was wheeling, tears pouring from the eyes that could see nothing but her. Someone kept me steady until I stopped breathing too fast and then I turned to see their face. I was hoping that Susan would smile back at me but it wasn't her face there.

Seamus, his arms grasping my shoulders.

I bit my lip as hard as I could and looked back to where Neville was covered in something burning. Seamus's arms didn't go away until everyone was screaming and I didn't know if it was in my head or out of it.

When I looked back to where Neville had been, he was gone.


End file.
